This week is Mental Illness Awareness Week and I would like to share some insights.
I struggled most of my life with depression and anxiety but didn’t recognize it until my older years. I also have Bipolar Disorder, OCD (Obsessive Compulsive Disorder), and S.A.D. (Seasonal Affective Disorder). My depression is categorized as Major Depressive Disorder
I never realized when I felt like crying for now reason that I may be absorbing another person’s negativity. At the same time my “disposal system” would act up. This would be my stomach cramping, I would have to run to the bathroom suddenly and my bladder overacted. Only after a suicide attempt in 2014 did I recognize the connections.
My anxiety was equally as bad. I would get a funny sensation throughout my abdomen and not know how to calm it down. This still sometimes acts up but I have learned if I take a deep slow breath and let it out slowly that I would start to calm down.
I also learned after my first hospitalization in 2003 for suicidal thoughts that I have Hashimoto’s Thyroiditis. This wreaks havoc on the body and causes my chemistry to be out of whack.
I am on 4 different medications for these mental illnesses plus 1 for my thyroid. For the most part am feeling very good. I still have days that I slip back a little but those days I know what feeling better is like so I just ride it out until the next day.
There are many organizations you can reach out to if you struggle with symptoms of mental illness.
If you would like to share with me and learn about some means of support you can email me at Catherine@catherinemlaub.com
See my website at www.catherinemlaub.com
Posted in Bipolar Disorder, Disability, Experiences, Health, Medications, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, OCD, Seasonal Affective Disorder, Self Help
Tagged Anxiety, Bipolar Disorder, Catherine Laub, Depression, Health, Mental Illness, Obsessive Compulsive Disorder, OCD, Seasonal Affective Disorder
Tony is always there for me when I need him – for everything.
He helps me around the house with cleaning, doing laundry, cooking and even does most of the shopping.
Tony supports me in everything I want to do and only guides me when I ask for help.
When I am writing my stories he is my editor and suggests where I can make changes to make the story flow better.
I have several health challenges, both physical and mental. Tony is always helping me heal in whatever way necessary. I had surgery in 2012 and an unexpected cut on my full belly.
This was right before Super Storm Sandy in New York. My visiting nurse couldn’t get to me so Tony had to change my bandages. My cut was only stitched closed in 3 spots and I had a couple staples. So there was dressing and packing that had to be changed a couple times a day and he didn’t think twice about having to do it.
I was always so tired and struggled with little things at times. Tony stepped right up and helped me accomplish everything. If I needed a box or bin brought to where I was sitting to sort through he carried it in for me. He even took over the honors of putting the Christmas tree up which I used to do. He puts the decorations on and I put scattered ones on as I had the energy.
I am doing so much better now and we do things together, which we never did before. It is so nice to share everything from cooking and cleaning to decorating and work. Tony still does most of the shopping but we enjoy cooking together. He is so funny because he will say you are such a good cook when I do most of the meal. Now I say it to him too, or we will say we are great chefs together. LOL
Tony is great with all 7 of our children and 14 grandchildren. They all look up to him. He is a true leader in the family. Everyone calls to ask for his advice. We are expecting our 15th grandchild and first great-grandchild, both in May. We are thrilled to have our family continue to grow.
To conclude, I am always thanking Tony for being there for me and all of the family. He is a great inspiration to all of us because even when he doesn’t feel well, he is constantly helping all of us.
I briefly want to describe some of what my current life is like due to many health challenges.
I applied for Social Security Disability on August 5, 2013. In May, 2014 I received a denial letter, which I appealed. Finally this week I have a hearing for a final decision.
I am at the mercy of a judge that doesn’t know me and will rely on my medical history plus the questions he asks me during the hearing. This has been a stressful and frustrating time because it left me with no income.
I have had health challenges most of my life and for the 13 years before my disability filing I worked for my husband, Tony, in his business. I didn’t have to work full time, my hours were flexible, and I worked mostly from home in the last few years. Tony’s company provided my health insurance and I received a full salary even though I didn’t work much. Tony had to close the company due to the failing economy and work for someone else. He was laid off June 1st and the employer carried our insurance until December 31st. I need health insurance due to all my health issues and with our little income it is hard to get a good policy.
To help you understand, I will list my health challenges and medications, and then I will explain some of them. I carry the following list with me in case of an emergency because there are too many to remember. Plus when I go to a new doctor I don’t have to write it all out. Continue reading
On August 7th my husband, Tony, had to call 911 because I tried to take a bottle of pills. I only got them into my hand then he stopped me. I was hospitalized in a psychiatric hospital for a week. I was stressed because of a setback with dizziness that started a week before. I felt drunk and slept most of Wednesday and half of Thursday. I was trying to babysit my daughter’s 2 puppies (and 1 got out of the yard and got lost), babysat my grandson, Joshua, Tuesday even though I was still dizzy, worrying about my son because his financing didn’t come through after buying a T-Mobile store and worried about my 20 year old grandson who was in a severe car accident and was in really bad shape.
I was really in bad shape and believe it is because of my sensitivity. I knew it was wrong but while it was happening I couldn’t control myself. It was from a fight with Tony and he ended up holding me down for almost an hour to keep me from reaching for pills again. Tony said…I am done, it’s over, I’m finished; so I reacted with panic that I would have no form of support going forward. The police arrived and calmed me down. They had to handcuff me in the car for my own protection. I am fine and actually enjoyed being in the hospital. I got a little vacation away from real life. I was chosen to be interviewed by a psychiatrist staff in front of 20 students because of my complex nature of health symptoms. It took them a week to realize I am a package deal, not only the mental because it and the physical work off each other. They found me a new primary care doctor that will coordinate with all my specialists and new psychiatrist. The goal is to find meds that have dual purposes so I don’t have to take 22 different meds for so many things.
The best thing about this is that I prayed the Monday before this happened for help to get off lots of my meds and to get my healing moving faster. So my prayer was answered and now I have to follow through.
I will not be on line too much so I can continue to concentrate on my relaxation through jigsaw puzzles and scrapbooking. My angel community did a tarot card reading for me and when I heard it, I realized that I was lonely.
I am re-writing this today, December 26, 2014 to update some information. I am still being seen by psychiatric professionals and will probably have to most of my life. I learned too many times that even with the help of the doctors, I cannot go off my antidepressants because I have these mental illnesses through genetics. I keep fluctuating with my feelings and have become a recluse. I pray with the help of God and my angels that I can become stronger and go back to my spiritual studies and advance my intuitive abilities.
I pray that anyone else that suffers as I do that you never get to the point of no return like I did and you get the medical help you need to live a comfortable and happy life.
Love and blessings to all. Cathy
God and my angels have always been there to pull me out of bad situations. I have A Major Depressive Disorder and this is the third time since 2003 that I was hospitalized because of suicidal thoughts and actions. I also suffer from OCD, am Bipolar, and have Seasonal Affective Disorder. I have many physical challenges and have become a package deal for my doctors. My physical affects my emotional and my emotional affects my physical. It’s a vicious cycle.
August 7 2014 was a horrible day for me, but I know God and my angels were there to help. My husband, Tony, and I were fighting and I had been severely physically sick for several weeks. Being run down made me overreact when it came to telling Tony I was upset with him. I said that I am only a burden and can’t stand living in the bathroom most of my days. I had most of my colon removed in 2012 and now have the runs constantly, because what is left doesn’t work well. I tried taking a handful of pills but my husband stopped me and restrained me for about an hour while we fought and I gave him reasons why I shouldn’t be living any more. I was hysterical and couldn’t control myself. I finally said he eventually has to go to the bathroom and when he does I will take the pills. He then dialed 911. I told him I hated him and was upset because he made the call. Continue reading
I attended a spiritual church service for the first time today. I enjoyed it and made some new friends. Afterward I attended a workshop with these same people on medium-ship and energy. I was amazed at how much I could receive from the hands on work we did. The teacher was Robin Hodson, an English Medium. He is the vice president of the International Spiritualist Federation.
Before I did anything I asked Archangel Michael and Archangel Raphael to be by my side to help me work in the highest good of all of us at the workshop.
We did an exercise to help us tune in to our senses. We sat about 4 feet away from a wall and focused on a single spot. Then we had to envision the connection to that spot. It was like a pressure that grew stronger as I concentrated. Next we did the same thing but for the ceiling. I felt the same pressure. Last we focused on the people sitting on both sides of us. I felt the same pressure like someone was pushing on both of my arms. Robin said I did excellent work.
Working with individuals was most of the workshop. Continue reading
FRIENDSHIP AND PART OF MY SPIRITUAL GROWTH
I work a lot with Archangel Raphael, the healing angel, and Archangel Michael, the all powerful angel. They have guided me on my journey with friendship throughout my life. They know who I need and when I need them. I am thankful to them for their guidance.
We have many friends through our lives. They come into your life at just the right time and seem to leave when you don’t share anything in common any more. You may need an aspect of them that will compliment your own soul, or just be a good companion to share life with. There will be many stresses through these relationships and you have to learn to work through them if you want that friendship to last.
We will have that one best friend that has always been there for us and us there for them. Then something happens and we may not understand it, but that friend no longer wants the friendship to continue. We take vacations together and even though there is a strain because differences of likes we forge forward. We plan parties together and invite mutual friends and family. We laugh together and cry together.
Finally that one day when the differences of opinions change totally one friend doesn’t like the honesty of the other. She doesn’t like to hear all the negativity she is carrying. She wants to be a spiritual being and follow inspirational people but at the same time she is talking badly about everyone and everything, including family and friends. Continue reading